A Deadly Fantasy: Final Fantasy x: Tidus' story
by Gunbladequeen217
Summary: After the events of Bevelle, Tidus can't handle what happend to him, will Wakka be able to spot whats wrong, and Make Tidus talk? rated R for mentions of rape


A/N hey guys. I thought this one up in my twisted little nut, after I read a fic called December. I can't remember who it was by, but this one just sort of came as a natural progression. I wanted some more scope on what Tidus would be feeling after a decision like that, and the effect it would be having on him.  
  
This is just a trial, but if you guys like it, and I get more that 8 reviews then I shall write my own prequel and the events about this. Just to keep the story in my style, I you know what I mean.  
  
As always read and review, tis only kind, and if I'm happy with the feedback, I shall write more.  
  
A Deadly Fantasy - Final Fantasy 10 - Tidus' Story.  
  
Chapter one  
  
He had no choice really.  
  
Thinking about it afterwards, when he was alone and his friends were either asleep or somewhere else. When his rented room became dark and he sat on his rented bed, his sheets unused and his pillow fresh.  
  
When he had nothing else to think about, and the only images that filled his head where the ones of that night.  
  
But thinking about it was the worst part. Why did he have to remember? Why couldn't those nightmares and horrid memories just leave him?  
  
Why did it have to happen to him at all? Why not someone else? But then again, he wouldn't have wished that on anybody. Not that amount of pain and hatred..well maybe one person..if (he) only knew what it felt like, then maybe Tidus could rest in peace, knowing that he had had his revenge.  
  
But how could a pathetic useless little nothing like him ever hurt some one like (him)?  
  
That fucking bastard that had taken everything from him.  
  
God why did this have to happen?  
  
There were so many questions reeling around in his head, how could he make them stop? And this feeling, this feeling of hatred and dirt. He felt so unclean and disgusting. How could anyone want him now? How could he give himself to anyone now?  
  
Why would they want some filthy dirty whore like him? A cast off that no body wants.  
  
Because that's what he was. A whore. He had given up his body so that his friends might live  
  
God there was so much anger in him. Why? It was always why?  
  
'Why did he do it?'  
  
'Why not someone else?'  
  
'Why couldn't he forget?'  
  
'Why wasn't he strong enough?'  
  
'Why couldn't this just stop?'  
  
He sat on the edge of his bed, hands hidden underneath his legs to stop them from shaking. His head was hung low, hiding his tears, even though there was no one else in the room to see them. Crystal tears that dropped from his hidden cheeks on to his leg. His shoulders quivering in fear, shame, humiliation, and self loathing.  
  
'Why hadn't he fought harder? Put up some resistance?' But he knew why, he knew why had had not done those things. His friend's lives were at risk if he did not comply.  
  
Tidus had never had friends like these before. He knew that they would all do the same for him, should the situation be another way, he would be dammed if he was going to watch every last one be slaughtered because he would not swallow his selfish pride and sacrifice himself for them. After all,one life for four, it was a bargain. At least that's how he had weighed it up in his mind at the time.  
  
But now, after, things weren't looking the same clear cut, black and white way that they had in his office.  
  
His duty had been so obvious. It wasn't a matter of whether he could do it or not, it was a case of he had to do it. Never mind how he felt about it, just as long as his friends were alright, that was all that mattered.  
  
But GOD! The way he just had to lay there and let him take him. Like a fucking rag doll.  
  
Tidus was rocking slightly on his hands as they began to go numb under his weight. His skin felt like it was still crawling with his touch. Those ice cold fingers as they played across whatever exposed flesh they could find, searching and devouring it as they passed over.  
  
Tidus began to feel that familiar bile rise in his throat as he thought about every little detail again and again, like he did almost every minute of every day. Every time he thought about what had happened, he would have to disappear, should someone see him vomiting, or shaking, or worse, crying  
  
Every night he would sit up, not wanting sleep to come and take him, knowing that when it did, dreams and nightmares would be waiting. Knowing that even in his sleep he could not escape it.  
  
A knock at the door, pulled him from his thoughts. He quickly wiped his face clean of tears and tried to compose himself as he whispered hoarsely.  
  
"Come in"  
  
The door opened a second later and shafts of lights filtered in around a huge figure silhouetted by the torches on the walls in the corridor.  
  
Even thought he could not see his visitor through the dark, Tidus knew who it would be.  
  
"Thought you might want some company" A dark Husky voice said through the thick silence.  
  
"I.I.I'm pretty tired" Tidus sniffed. It wasn't a lie either. But just because he was tired didn't mean he would be sleeping, not if those dreams where still waiting there for him.  
  
"You weren't at dinner" The visitor said, ignoring Tidus' hint.  
  
There was a moments silence before Tidus could answer, those tears still silently driving down his pale cheeks, but the darkness hid them.  
  
"I.I wasn't hungry" Once again it wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth either.  
  
Even though it was dark, and Tidus couldn't see his visitor, Tidus still couldn't look up from the shadowed floor. Afraid that the man that stood in front of him now, might find something in his eyes.  
  
Only one person knew about what had happed back there, and Tidus wanted it kept that way.  
  
"Auron told me about what happened" Wakka said through a thick heavy voice.  
  
Tidus froze. How much had he told him? Did he really mean what Tidus thought he meant, or was he insinuating about something else?  
  
"What?" Tidus asked through a small whisper.  
  
"I know!" Wakka said simply again.  
  
Panic rose in Tidus' chest at the realization of what Wakka now thought of him. Did he think him like Tidus thought of himself? A whore? Dirty? Useless and pathetic? A silly little boy who couldn't even save himself?  
  
Tidus struggled to keep his voice even.  
  
"Know what?" he asked, not quite liking the way his voice quivered and was so weak.  
  
"I know what happened in Bevelle.with Seymour" Wakka said, his voice strained and tired. He seemed pained in some way. But no way could this be hurting him more than it was Tidus. Not by a long shot.  
  
"Yeah?" Tidus asked, calling his bluff. He didn't know how Wakka had managed to get Auron to tell him, if he had at all, but he wasn't going to let Wakka trick him into telling him anything.  
  
"What happened?" he asked through the darkness. Once again although Tidus couldn't see him, he knew Wakka was shifting his uncomfortable stance. He needed to know whether Wakka was telling the truth or not.  
  
"Auron told me that..that Seymour had given you an ultimatum." He said, trying to find the right words so as not to offend the teenager. He didn't want to be crude about this, but Tidus was making it so dammed difficult. If he had to spell it out for him, then he would. He could see how much this was destroying him. All Wakka had to do was look at him. His eyes always dull and full of unshed tears and humiliation. His voice always quite and passive. He wasn't the happy 17 year old he had met in Zanarkand.  
  
"That..that you had to..to give yourself up..for us" he said. Not really sure how stable Tidus was. He couldn't see his face, but he could guess by the small sobs coming from the bed that he wasn't really okay. Well, that sounded really stupid. Of course he wouldn't be okay. After something like that. After having to make a decision like that, and which ever way you chose you still loose out.  
  
There was a silence before either of them spoke again.  
  
"Is it true?" he asked forwardly not really sure if he should take this any further tonight. He had already shamed Tidus all over again he didn't want to push him too far.  
  
Tidus couldn't speak. What did you say to that? He felt has helpless as he had that night in Bevelle. He let out a ragged sob as he didn't know what to say. No word would form them selves and all that surfaced was hurt and pain.  
  
"Tidus?" Wakka coaxed as he took a step forward. As he got closer, the moonlight from the open window poured over the sobbing youth like milk, and lit up his shaking form.  
  
His head was held down in his hands, curled up on the edge of the bed, his quivering shoulders shaking his whole frame. His feet planted firmly on the floor began to rock his body back and forth, trying to sooth his own memories and pains away.  
  
Wakka gingerly sat on the side of the bed, careful not to startle the blonde. He was hesitant as he held his own shaking hand over the boys heated back. He wanted to comfort him, but wasn't sure whether Tidus would welcome the gesture.  
  
He was about to retreat his hand when he heard an almost inaudible voice throught the hushing sobs.  
  
"I had to" he confessed. Wakka didn't understand.  
  
"What?" he asked, not sure whether they were talking about two different things.  
  
"I..I.had to. I didn't h.have a choice" he cried. Wakka frowned. Did Tidus think that Wakka thought he went willingly to Seymour? If so, Tidus obviously thought Wakka was disappointed or even worse, angry with him.  
  
"Tidus, I know. I know it wasn't your fault." He soothed as he finally reached out and put his hand reassuringly on his back.  
  
"You did a brave thing. And you did it for us." He continued, rubbing smooth circles on his hot back.  
  
"I'm not angry with you. You didn't ask for this" he said.  
  
Tidus couldn't lift his eyes to meet those of Waak's. How could he ever face him now that he knew? Now that he knew what Tidus was?  
  
Sure he didn't blame him, and he wasn't angry with him, but it still didn't change what he was. Maybe, if he didn't hate him for it, then maybe he pitied him? God he hoped not. The only thing he feared worse than everyone's hate was their pity.  
  
There was a long moment of silence when all that could be hear was Tidus' laboured breathing as he tried to cease his torn sobs.  
  
"Sometimes.."he began. Wakka was so till. He didn't want to make a move or frighten the boy into shutting up, he needed to talk.  
  
His arms were rapped around his stomach as if he were in pain, and his eyes were fixed intently on the floorboards.  
  
"Sometimes, I can still feel him in me" he whispered softly, as Wakka saw more crystal tears trace their way down his porcelain face.  
  
"He's there all the time, breathing over me. Still touching me." He continued, his body still shivering.  
  
"I..I can't even get away from him in my sleep" he said as he closed his eye, as if to prove this point. He sighed heavily and squeezed his arms around himself as if to make sure he was still real.  
  
Once again there was another long silence as Wakka wasn't sure whether to push him to confess more or if this would be enough.  
  
As it turned out, Tidus had more to say. He wiped the tears from his face, trying to appear strong. But Wakka knew just by looking at him he was just as broken as he sounded.  
  
"He took everything from me." He sniffed, he face crumbling into those sobs that he was trying to keep hidden.  
  
"I was still a virgin, he knew that..but he still took me..I had no idea it would hurt that much." He cried into his hands.  
  
"There was blood everywhere, I couldn't stop him" his sobs had turned into wild cries of shame as his whole frame began to shake with humiliation and anger.  
  
Wakka didn't even realise that he was crying until his own tears landed on his bare leg.  
  
He looked at the shaking boy beside him and wondered how long he would take to get over this, if he ever did. He was already so shattered. Wakka didn't think his fragile mind would be able to cope with the guilt and self hatred. He would sooner or later crack and do something to himself, or maybe possibly to some one else.  
  
Tidus turned his eyes to Wakka for the first time, and there was a pleading in them. He needed Wakka to know something.  
  
"I had no choice."  
  
A/N okay like I said, if your review please me I shall continue *tapps fingers together in a Mr Burns fashion- mwahahahahahahahahahahaha* being the evil person that I am, I wouldn't mind the chance to explore the possibilities or a rape scene. I'm not sure how I'll pull it off, but as always I'm willing to give it a go.  
  
Please, your thoughts and comments.no flames or I will have to hunt you down and shoot you like the flame bearing dog that you are..(only kidding)  
  
R/R Kisses to all  
  
Gunbladequeen217 


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